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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25556560">Stars, Stripes, and Bagpipes</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/big_scrunch/pseuds/big_scrunch'>big_scrunch</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Jack of All Trades [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Team Fortress 2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Fluff, M/M, Reader Insert, Tenth class, bein' a wingwoman</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 11:42:15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,297</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25556560</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/big_scrunch/pseuds/big_scrunch</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The new mercenary is no Casanova herself-- but can she help her best friend become one?</p><p>A "sidequest" for the Jack of All Trades series, in which Jack attempts to set up Mr. Jane Doe with a certain Scottish Knight.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Demoman/Soldier (Team Fortress 2), soldier and reader friendship</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Jack of All Trades [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1839424</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>32</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Stars, Stripes, and Bagpipes</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Classillama16 is credit to team for coming up with the title!<br/>I love writing soldier and i want him to be happy okay</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You felt your lips forming the word before you realized what you were saying, louder and louder, in your slowly waking state.</p><p>“No… no… <em>No</em>… NO! NO!” Your cries were interrupted by a slam at your door, then another. This made you scream even more.</p><p>“YOU BLU SON OF A BITCH, I’M GONNA PUT MY BOOT SO FAR UP YOUR ASS YOU CAN TASTE IT!” Soldier screamed outside, a note of terror in his voice. More slams came from outside. You were still confused from your nightmare and didn’t know where you were.</p><p>“IF YOU LAY A FINGER ON JACK, I’LL--” Demo shouted as he came crashing through the door, Eyelander in hand. He landed on the floor looking as dazed and confused as you.</p><p>“Sorry, guys… I think I had some more night terrors.” You brought your sheets over your chin, embarassed since this was definitely not the first time you’d woken them up. Fear still shook you, although you couldn’t remember a thing about your dream. That made it even worse. It could have been just a scene from a horror movie, or maybe it was something dark from your yet unknown past.</p><p>“There’s nothing to be ashamed of, lass,” Demo said, “Solly had real nasty nightmares when he arrived too. We know it’s tough… so if ya want someone to stay with ya, either of us would be happy to.”</p><p>You thought on it for a second. Demo was certainly more level-headed and comforting, but you were a lot closer with Soldier. But in the few seconds it took you to decide, Demo was already passed out and snoring on the floor.</p><p>“Yayyy!” Soldier cheered, “I win!”</p><p>“Alright, let’s wake up Demo—”</p><p>“Are you <em>crazy</em>?” Soldier whispered, scandalized, “You should know by now how much he likes to sleep. And I’d rather him sleep on the floor than the field.”</p><p>Gently Soldier hooked his arms around Demo’s as you lifted his feet, then you slowly tiptoed down two doors and put him in his own bed. Soldier tucked him in lovingly and you both returned to your room.</p><p>“I’ve never had a sleepover before,” Soldier admitted, “What do people do when they sleepover?”</p><p>“I mean, I can’t remember any either. But I think, like, you’d watch movies, and paint each other’s nails, and have pillow fights, and gossip, and stuff like that. I was never a big fa—”</p><p>“That sounds like an excellent way to boost morale!” Soldier picked up one of your pillows and was about to just swing it at you.</p><p>“No, wait! I’d rather not pillow fight.” He moped a little as he set the pillow back down. “But… we could build a pillow fort?”</p><p>“Then we will build an impenetrable pillow barricade! Except, we don’t have many pillows, do we?” Before you could answer, he realized, “Wait! What is a bed but a big pillow?” Within seconds he was dragging his own mattress through your door.</p><p>Over the course of ten minutes or so, you had the thing built. Your two mattresses were wedged together in a corner of your room and had a sheet draped over them; inside was your small desk lamp, your sleeping bags, some snacks, and a bottle of Ms. P’s left behind nail polish (brought in at Soldier’s insistence.)</p><p>“I don’t know if this qualifies as impenetrable,” he confessed, “But it will have to do. Now, what did you say about painting?”</p><p>The two of you chatted excitedly about weaponry and rocket jumping while Soldier enthusiastically painted your nails, which resulted in a lot of purple paint all over your fingers. Wanting some war paint as well, he asked you to do his toes (which reeked after a long day on the field, but you didn’t let that show on your face.) The shiny paint contrasted his grungy pajama pants and stained hole-y t-shirt, and it made you happy that Soldier wanted to do all this with you despite his seeming dedication to manliness.</p><p>“Hey, Jack, does this stuff come in red too?”</p><p>“Of course,” you replied as he hugged his knees to curiously watch your artistry.</p><p>“Can you get some of that and then have another nightmare so you can paint my fingers in team colors next time?”</p><p>“I’ll see what I can do. Maybe I could get some white and blue too and paint them like American flags.”</p><p>Soldier paused for a moment, shocked, then threw his arms around you, sniffling quietly. “You’re the best cousin, sister, niece and/or aunt a man could ask for, Jack.” You patted him on the back and it hit you how you kind of <em>were</em> his only family— and how he was kind of yours too. Sure, the other mercs were great, but you could be yourself more around Soldier than any of the others. Perhaps it had to do with you being the only two on base that still didn’t have any names or memories. You squeezed him in return and patted his back.</p><p>“I think it might be time to go to sleep now, once the paint is dry at least. I can’t imagine I’ll have any more bad dreams tonight.”</p><p>“Alright. So… in the meantime, what do you want to talk about?” Judging by the way his face kind of squirmed, you could tell there was something on his mind.</p><p>“Is there anything <em>you</em> want to talk about?”</p><p>“I don’t know, what do people usually talk about at sleepovers? America… Hats… <em>Men</em>… Raccoons, battle plans, battle plans for raccoons… <em>People they have crushes on</em>, war stories…”</p><p>You were catching his drift, and you suspected that you knew who he was thinking about. “Do you have a crush on somebody, Jane?”</p><p>“That is classified information, Private.” His face was awash with red. It was kind of adorable to see Soldier like this, since he was always acting so tough and never had a filter.</p><p>“Well, I think I have a crush too,” you whispered, although it felt absolutely silly to say, “How about we trade information. Like a… blackmail exchange?”</p><p>“Or a hostage negotiation.” Soldier contemplated this, scratching his chin. “You got a deal.”</p><p>You told him about the shared coworker you had it bad for and had to hide your face behind a pillow you were so embarrassed. You’d never admitted that to anybody before— you hadn’t even fully admitted it to yourself.</p><p>Soldier twisted his face up in befuddlement. “Why?”</p><p>Excruciatingly, you detailed what drew you to them— their voice, their kindness, the way they could reassure you when nobody else could, not to mention their looks.</p><p>“Alright, I guess I can see it. But my crush kicks your crush’s ass eleven times out of ten!”</p><p>“Who is it?”</p><p>“… I don’t think I want to tell you anymore.”</p><p>“Does he have only one eye?”</p><p>Soldier shook you by the collar of your pajamas. “WHO TOLD YOU? I WILL SEND THEM HOME TO THEIR MOTHER IN A BOX!”</p><p>“Lucky guess!” you explained as you pushed him away. “You two just really get along really well. I think you’d make a great couple.”</p><p>“Do you really mean that?” he asked as he let you go.</p><p>“Absolutely!”</p><p>Soldier went on to list everything he liked about Demo (which was a lot)— his fighting spirit and kickassery in battle, his laugh, his smile, his strength, the way he cared about everyone on the team, his cool eyepatch, his facial hair, and of course his looks. You tested the paint on your nails and told Soldier that it was time to sleep. You flicked off the lamp and wiggled into your sleeping bag. Everything was quiet for a few moments until Soldier kept listing Demo’s finer qualities, but it didn’t take long for you to fall asleep.</p>
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